What are your symptoms?

The blueberry and I just wrapped up a three-day recertification course for Wilderness First Responder in snowy Driggs, Idaho. As the long hours of study, lectures, and scenarios rolled by, I began to develop a theory. I now believe that pregnancy is the ultimate compilation of WFR symptoms:

• shortness of breath during exertion (chest injury)
• point tenderness (chest injury)
• pain on inspiration, shallow breathing (chest injury)
• anxious, restless, disoriented (shock)
• nausea, vomiting, dizziness and/or thirst (shock)
• personality changes (head injury)
• amnesia (head injury)
• headache, dizziness, and/or lethargy (head injury)
• fluid and/or blood leaking from the nose (skull fracture)
• pain or tenderness along back (spinal cord injury)
• altered distal sensations: e.g. numbness, tingling, unusual hot or cold sensations (spine injury)
• loss of bowel and bladder control (spine injury)
• diffuse or specific pain (musculoskeletal injury)
• swelling (musculoskeletal injury)
• changes in range of motion (musculoskeletal injury)
• impaired ability to perform complex tasks, fin motor shivering, apathy, confused and sluggish thinking (hypothermia)
• warm, swollen, painful, and tender skin (frostbite)
• nausea and/or vomiting with fatigue (heat exhaustion) 
• headache with unusual weakness and fatigue (hyponatremia)
• possible mild to moderate anxiety, otherwise normal mental status (hyponatremia)
• possible muscle cramping (hypernatremia)--the treatment for this one is eating salty foods! :)
• nausea and possible vomiting with loss of appetite (altitude illness)
• mild lassitude, fatigue or weakness at rest (altitude illness)
• insomnia (altitude illness)
• swelling and pain (snake bite)
• pain and anxiety (spider bite)
• nausea, vomiting, and incontinence (scorpion sting)
• itching (bee sting)
• fatigue and joint pain (tick-borne illness)
• neurological compromise (lightening strike)
• shortness of breath (angina)
• anxiety and denial (angina)
• lightheadedness or dizziness (angina)
• signs of angina unrelieved by rest (myocardial infarction)
• dizziness with tingling or numbness in hands and feet (hyperventilation)
• history of prolonged bed rest (pulmonary embolism)
• shortness of breath with malaise and fatigue (pneumonia)
• shortness of breath and fatigue (asthma)
• memory loss and headache with possible incontinence (stroke)
• vision changes (stroke)
• unexpected and unexplained collapse (seizure)
• weak, disoriented, irritable, "not quite themselves" (hypoglycemic diabetes)
• increased hunger and thirst, increased urine output, fatigue (hyperglycemic diabetes)
• cramping pain in the lower abdomen and lower back (dysmenorrehea)
• fatigue and increased frequency of urination (urinary tract infection)
• trouble focusing (anxiety response)
• gradually increasing, diffuse abdominal discomfort (gastroenteritis)
• hyperactive bowel sounds (gastroenteritis)
• irritation and tearing (conjunctivitis/pinkeye)
• sensitivity to air, temperature, or sweets (toothache)

See what I mean? Good think both Jacob and I are trained and certified on how to best treat all of these signs and symptoms.